“Today I will live in the moment, unless it’s unpleasant in which case I will eat cookie!”
Over the last few months I’ve let my physical practice, my daily asana slide. Funny fact I can actually pin point the exact moment it happened and it came down to a single cookie. That cookie (which wasn’t even very good) lead to cheesecake later in the day. Since it was close to the end of the week, I let the next few days also slide. This brought me to the weekend, social gatherings, & alcohol. Which is always another great thing to consume when your feeling like crap, physically and emotionally. Weekend is over, I’m hung over both from alcohol as well as food. Belly aching for some hangover fast food, greasier the better. Sugar cravings so bad that the thought of a detox over whelms me. When you eat poorly you always have an excuse not to attend class. After all nobody wants to be the one to fart in yoga class. Before I knew it five months and 30 pounds later here I am. My rings are so tight I’ve removed my knuckle flesh, even with the aid of soap, just to bring circulation back to my finger. I can’t even fully recall the problem that brought me to this point. I suspect it has something to do with a winter that would never end. My go to unfortunately has always been food. Food is my addiction!
When I first wrote this blog the second paragraph didn’t sound right, which is why I haven’t posted in while. In the original draft, I excused my weight gain blaming it on the winter blues. Eating to weigh myself down … to create a temporary false grounding feeling. There has an element of truth, however had I faced my fears I wouldn’t have felt the urge to run from my problems to the nearest “bad cookie”, literally and metaphorically speaking. I was playing a victim, not taking control of myself, and my choices. In life every decision we make is based on one of two things; love or fear. That first cookie which I ate was not because I love cookies. I should have kept moving forward, looking, experimenting, to find stuff that I would enjoy doing over our cold Canadian winter. Instead I became stagnate, essentially hibernated and buried myself in food. I know why I hate winter. Its cold, there is a lack of light (and energy). I really do believe that I am solar powered, I love the dirt and the sunshine. However there are all kinds of other things I could have done which I love to make the time go by. I really don’t enjoy eating myself into a comma. I actually enjoy how a green juice makes me feel. I’m not saying don’t eat cookies, and please swing by and grab a slice of your favourite cheese cake after my yoga class. This is not about how you shouldn’t eat sweets. If it brings you joy do it! If its something you love, do it! Instead of waiting, becoming stagnate physically, emotionally, and mentally do something else you love. If nothing comes to mind, think outside the box. Or go looking for that thing that you love if its not coming to you, and your tired of waiting. I always tell my kids to try something new, you never know you might like it. So this is my goal in the future: Instead of the stale cookie, I will chose something I love or I will try something new.
No more dwelling on that cookie. It may have lead to some extra weight, but it also taught me something about myself. I have acknowledged the cookie, learned from the cookie and now I will let that bad cookie go. Leaving the past in the past. I will eat another cookie. I haven’t given up sweets. I just will not eat them for medicinal purposes. Cookie Monster however loves his Cookies, and should keep eating them as much as he can.